you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
