Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
