Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
