Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
