We won't sleep together?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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