singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
