i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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