Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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