I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just had sex bonerless
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So. Much. Porn.
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