he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
