laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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