I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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