took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
