I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
