Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
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Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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