I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
