I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
