ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
