Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
