there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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