So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
