I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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