I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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