i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back