ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
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SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM