is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy