It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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