I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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