A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.