just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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