worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
