I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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