I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Found your dick twin last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
