we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
