Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
a search helicopter?!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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