it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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