Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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