What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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