STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You smell like stripper and shame
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
