His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
