so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
