is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
