It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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