READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
