Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
