Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
