he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
