so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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