About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
