I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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