Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
