I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
dude. I can hear the air.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
