Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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