whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
