So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize