end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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