i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
being pregnant is like rehab
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
