Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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