I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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