Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
