she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
