I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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