5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
