I will die if light touches me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
