I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
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Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.