there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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