So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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