a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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