we have pet lesbian snakes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think i got beer on your cat.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
