if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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