And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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