I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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