had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
